i shop a lot. well, not like some. it isn't like the qvc channel is blaring in the background of my office, but in the course of a day, i either run to the grocery or the produce stand near the house, or target or even the occasional foray into........dare i say it.......admit it out loud.......ok, walmart.
ye gods. now, i have friends that won't even say walmart, much less venture inside, but snobbery aside, the chain does have $4 generic drugs, and the cheapest prices on prilosec, and there's this glucosamine/chondrointin product that my old dog simply must have or she's more crippled than i am in the morning. so, occasionally, i go.
let me digress a sec..........
there is a fashion tendency in our society of late that simply baffles me. you know the one, and i know you've seen it. usually lean young black youth with their pants' waistline (where the belt would normally go) down around the mid-thigh area, with checkered boxer shorts kind of ballooning in the area above said belt loops. (i know the origins have to do with thugs in prisons, and emulation and shit like that, and hey, we all need heroes, but i gotta say, every time i see it i just want to grab the pants and pull up as hard as i can, until i give the young man a wedgie!!). i just can't fathom why one would want to look quite that way. but like most old people, i just kind of shrug it off and chalk it up to youthful exuberance. and i'm thinking what is this world coming to? how could it get any worse?
so i head to walmart, for doggie joint juice and what do i see in the parking lot before i get out of the car?
ok, who let grandma go out dressed like that? someone will be punished, for sure.
so i gain my composure and go inside the store.
now walmart stores are notoriously found in underprivileged neighborhoods, because, let's be honest...in an upscale neighborhood with a bergdorf and a walmart side by side, i'm thinking one of 'em ain't gonna make it. it's a kind of either/or situation. people with money for bergdorf don't want what walmart is peddling and bergdorf is too expensive for most of us, so we head to walmart. pretty basic stuff, although i honestly, truly believe that both stores sell MIRRORS!!!!!
once inside the store, i begin to try to shop, and as i grab a cart i see...............
AND I WANT TO PUT OUT MINE EYES!!!!
ok, paris hilton in a much smaller size of those pants might stop traffic on the french riviera.
but this woman simply stops traffic because NOBODY CAN GET BY HER BIG GOLDEN ASS!!! good heavens!!
ok, i'm really trying now. i grab the bottle of stuff for the dog and head for checkout. i'm good to go for the express lane as i only have the one item......and who's online in front of me?????
and i swear, i think she's flashing her tits at me, and i'm somewhat grossed out, until i realize
THAT'S HER BACK!!!!!!!
at this point in my adventure, i've decided i no longer have the will to live.
stick a fork in me, i'm done.
i pay for my crap, turn for the door........and no...........no, no, no, no, no...........say it ain't so!!!
and suddenly, in a moment of great lucidity, i have a revelation. an epiphany, of sorts. i realize in the big picture, all things considered, the handsome black youth with his pants down his thighs, was not so bad after all.